Yes.., my mom was there. 02nd December, 1992, 4:15pm it was. My first cry and I opened my eyes to see where I’m. Well, I don’t remember, how I felt after the arrival. I was trying to remember the faces of these amazing and weird creatures, I was surrounded by. I factually took almost a year to understand the tag of relations I have with these people around me. But, “something is different with my life”, that’s what I had experienced after the arrival into this world… beautiful world.
“She doesn’t feed you,
She doesn’t care for you,
She doesn’t love you,
She doesn’t see your tears.”
That’s what I realized during my early stage of life. The definition of mom was in front of my eyes… I never liked staying with my mother. Although, my father and my grandparents used to spend their time with me. Still, some days were bad. As, I was experiencing the feeling of love and care of my father and grandparents, but, not from my mother.
My mom never fed me. She was in her own world. Willingly, she was enjoying her life, by not taking the responsibility of a child. My father played two roles in my life, first one is of father and the second is of the mother. He loved me a lot. He protected me and pampered me. And, whenever, he was not around, my grandpa and grandma used to look after me. They used to skip their work just to make sure that I don’t feel lonely here. Ultimately, I was growing up as a bad, spoiled child. But, how?
During my early years of life (3 years), I was going through good and bad time. Good time, because, I was loving the attention given by my small family. Bad time, because, I was laden with hefty lessons of life. I was given extra love, extra care of people around me. I received kindness from everyone. But, this kindness, I sensed the sympathy from this kindness. Nevertheless, I was desperately searching for something else. “I’m not looking for someone who can understand my pain, I’m going through. I’m looking for someone who can understand the level of this pain”, that’s what I wanted to tell everyone.
To be continued…
PS: No one can ever understand the LEVEL of pain or happiness you go through. They can only understand what you are telling them. The emotions you experience can’t be shared.